Ladybugs in the Surf!

Mmmmm....  I wonder:
Last week while I was on the beach, I came across THOUSANDS of LADYBUGS in the SURF! 
I did not have my camera with me, so these photos were all taken from the internet.  Apparently every few years when the ladybugs are hatching, winds pick up and blow them willy nilly where they end up over the ocean. 

Oftentimes the ladybugs just drown in the depths and wash up as carnage and massacre. 

The event I witnessed with my particular patch seemed to enhabit the shoreline. 

They would walk and wander until swept up with the next wave where they would be tossed to and fro until the ground became solid under them.



I walked a stretch of about two miles and saw them just about constantly.



Many seemed to huddle under rocks, shells or debris as if trying to hide from the onslaught of waves.

Many of the ladybugs would get burried in the sand.  Each grain looked like a huge burden on tiny little critters.  I did unbury and upright hundreds of them.  I would scoop them above the tide line at that point- but I could not teach them how to swim.   I could not blow their wings dry.

Look Inside:

I found this illustration from the internet.  It is a page from the Story, Ladybug Girl at the Beach by Jackie Davis and David Soman.

I admit.  I was scared for the ladybugs.  I adore the smiles on my childrens' faces when we discover them at home.  We buy them as larvae and watch them transform, transition, and release into the wild. 

Here I know  I am "too" sensitive when my heart did flip-flops seeing them as a symbol for all that is beautiful, kind, and innocent being tossed and turned in hundreds by the overwhelming surf that is their life.

According to the research, there is no plan to the beach destination for these ladybugs.  There is also no forewarning.  To this group of ladybugs- it just is. 

Their adventure is just life happening.

When I brought my concerns in to the group, no one else seemed to have encountered the Ventura Beach ladybug population.

Katie mentioned that if I see three or more incidences of a recurring theme- I am somehow connected to it.

(It only took me about three hours to undersand "connected to" doesn't necessarily mean "responsible for."  I  am glad to see I am not responsible for the stranding of thousands of ladybugs in an environment with no food, no stability, and likely no way out.)

After class,  I went back to the beach to meditate and try relocating more of the ladybugs.

I learned:
1) There is no way I can move them all. I can help them get their feet underneath them and point them in the right direction.

 2) Even if I move them, they are still at the whim and mercy of the winds around them.  I also have no control over the size and frequency of the waves around us all.

3) I am going to see sights that disturb me.  Some I can help with.  Some I can not.



I want to teach again.  I did try (for about the sixth time) to renew my affiliation with Yoga Alliance.  I kid you not- woo hoo for letting things be easy- I heard back via email within 1/2 an hour.  I should be signed up again tomorrow!

I also noticed in the breathing classes with Gay, that I have a breathing genius.  Even when my body shrieks in pain, even when I can not move how,when, and where I want to- I savor my inhales and exhales.

I commit to sharing my genius as I learn how to get my feet under me so we can all get pointed in a conscious direction through the waves and winds of life.Willing: What can I bring into brighter focus?

Why MI Willling?

Why M.I. Willing?
-This story is part of my pathway, but I no longer want it as the introduction to my blog.  I now leave it here for reference.

A few years ago I was sick. It was the kind of sick that makes you afraid to go to the doctor. Like the three little pigs, I knew the wolf knocking on my door could only be big and could only be bad- very bad.
I had about 30 different allergies. There were only about 10 foods I knew I could eat. I was losing my gross motor skills. I had to stop teaching yoga because I could no longer walk, talk, and think at the same time. I specialized in restorative classes and it would hardly be relaxing if I fell on someone. I also love to use my magically calming voice. My electromagnetic field must have been wacky because every time I put on a microphone it would shreek at me like I was a bad dog with a faulty shock collar.
The last straw was when I was sitting in a chair watching TV. I fell out and was paralyzed for about 2 minutes. I knew what I did that day would determine the course of my life.

I decided to fight. I got my butt up and I got help. That journey brought me into contact with Conscious Living and Loving. With the help of materials from Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, I meditated. I saw my life around me was different from any life I want to own. I looked inside and saw ways I can change to create a brighter future. I focussed on conscious commitments I can make to become healthy and happy.
I call it bringing the best of who I am into Brighter Focus.

 

Queen of the Zombies

MMmmmmmm= I wonder?

Here's a clip from one of the most amazing shows ever put on air- Joan of Arcadia. 

If you have not met, Joan is a modern day Joan of Arc high school student who receives assignments from God.  Here she is singing a solo in the school play about Zombie love and war:

I = Look inside.
 What if the answer to my own question is "No?"  What if I'm not strong enough to make it through? Can transformation kill me?



It's Valentine's day:  My mom's heart is broken and I was so caught up in myself I totally blew her off when we saw her for my son's bday dinner yesterday. Now I haven't been able to connect.  I feel uncertain.

My dad is gone by choice and I thought I'd always be his valentine. Now the thought is dangerous. I feel confused. 

i know at one time i mattered and that i am now discarded.  I choose not to get caught up in that.  I choose to be myself.  I feel sortof powerful.
Welcome to winter.  Welcome to Zombieland- where an ugly life is the first step after death.

The death of my past concerns are the death of a belief that I am nothing. Death includes killing a need to perform on demand for someone else's pleasure. Death reveals I am no longer invincibally strong outside. 

I see a strong core and soft exterior emerging. This is my harvest! 
Last week, many dreams came true.  I was able to spend a full week meeting and interracting with Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks.  They are even more amazing in person than their words are in print!

I met the MOST amazing group of people I have ever seen in real life!  There was so much energy, dedication, and inspiration! If any of you who met me in Ventura see this- I'd love to stay in touch.  Please, drop a line to aurabernialis@gmail.com.

I also got to try surfing.  That day was GLORIOUS!  The surfshop owner found a wetsuit to match my hair.  There was a seal that came and played the morning with me.  I wasn't quite strong enough to get on my feet, but I can ride on one knee and one foot!  The afternoon brought a bike-ride with a bike that matched my hair and a pod of dolphins or little black whales to keep me company.

I even made new derby friends and got to spend a workout with them OUTSIDE!!!! 

So, Cinderella, what's the problem?  I'm still healing my legs.  I adored every moment of freedom where I could gear up and head along the beach on a paved- mostly- path, listening to my tunes and enjoying the view of sun and surf.  I could believe for an hour at a time that I was strong, capable, and free.  I was excited to return and workout with my rollerderby team for real.

 Then, I found myself barely able to walk.  I also discovered a deeper fear and more intense definition of pain than I ever want to relive with this &*&%^%$$#@@@ condition of my nervous system.

I could have made some of the best friends of my life, but I left.

I am so ashamed:  I gave up.  I came home early.  I spent the next three days staring in space seemingly unconscious for hours at a time.

I am so obsessed with this Joan video- gorgeous song, disgusting make-up.  Powerful message of love, set within a war.  Moon- shadow.  Noon- night.  Real life queen of the dead.  SO VIVID! 

Willing:  What's a brighter focus?
Oy.  As Joan sings:  "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust- when you see we're made of the same stuff? We are not flesh we are not blood. We are Love. We are Love.  Won't you share your light?"

I want to say, "NO."  The light is too bright.  It hurts my eyes!  It hurts my legs!  IT HURTS EVERYWHERE! 

No one said it would be easy to be a zombie.

The one thing I know I am willing to commit to is allowing transfomation to be easy.  This theme has been creeping up in many ways over the past few weeks.  I think it is getting brighter.  If the message is brighter, maybe the commitment and manifestation can be too....

I commit to relaxing in vulnerable ease as I breathe in the love, support and peace pervading my life.

Whew.