Follow Up: M.I. Willing?

I commit to opening my heart to passion and letting it paint my life beautiful!
If I had known my reactions would be so personal, I might have chosen a different commitment!
This is my own self-approved reality blog, however, and I've learned not to argue with reality. Soooo....

Differences I've noticed:
1. RIGHT AWAY my libido was back. 

Back in September, something happened that triggered some PTSD for me.  One of the responses was that my libido shut down.  A total lockdown, solitary confinement, show no light of day kind of constantly turned off.

Well, I finished this post at some wee hour in the morning and Desire had follow-through that brought me sleep and my husband happiness.

2. Next night I actually enjoyed kissing.
Nothing like just diving out of the closet... I have never enjoyed kissing.
 Part desire for control.  Part having been molested as a child.  End result- fast food romance.

Well, as I waited for sleep last night, I noticed my eyes were dry and my head sort of ached.  Following up on these sensations did not seem to integrate committing to passion painting my life beautiful.

Instead, I wondered, "What happens if I just wait."

What happened- I wanted to kiss my husband.  I rolled over and that's what we did.  For an extended time.  Enjoyable!

Body Wisdom Connection:
Mula Bandha- Root lock.  Basically, the sensation of stopping the flow of urine.

What does this have to do with kissing? For me- it's all about control.  I cannot control my partner.  I cannot control what life brings to me.  I can, however, control what I am willing to feel.

When I focus on making sure I feel in control, I physically apply the root lock. This is subtle and usually subconscious.  Last night I consciously released the lock and voila- I allowed myself to feel enjoyment instead.

Yummmmm.