R. U. Willing?

R. U. Willing to IMAX your life?

What do I mean?

If you’ve been to a major city theater, a zoo, aquarium, space center, or museum you may have taken the opportunity to see an “IMAX” film.

I used to just think it meant a VERY big screen.  After all, some of my first experiences with IMAX were at the Nebraska Zoo where they measure the screen in terms of giraffes and elephants!

When I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows IMAX here in Alaska, however,  I was shocked that the screen didn’t seem OMNI sized

Hmmm…. 

I did some research.  IMAX means Image MAXimized.

It is an industry standard of highest excellence in cameras, screens, and speakers.  It takes digital technology for perfect timing.  It takes special theaters for ensuring a more complete field of vision.

IMAX = See more, hear more, feel more.

IMAX makes a movie screen large enough, the sound full enough, and the images clear enough to immerse ourselves in a story. 

I’m simply asking- why not see more, hear more and feel more in our own lives?

After all, happiness is about quality not quantity.

It’s also about right here. Right now.

Let’s take a moment to see how far we’ve come.

Here’s a photo of my mom with her Nana and baby sisters.  It’s an awesome memory- but a bit vague and grainy (assuming they actually lived in color…)

The technology provides a great metaphor for life in general:  When we were young, life was pretty black and white. Right and wrong.  Good or Bad.
 

By the time my cousins and I arrived, color photos were common.  The colors allow us to see a bit more depth and texture- like my dimple and red/white striped coveralls. 
Similary, by the time we are teenagers, we no longer believe everything our parents say.  We see choices.  Right and wrong become consequences vs. risks among a variety of options.

Nowadays, digital photos can look lifelike even from my phone.  Likewise, I am gaining more opportunities to discern true wisdom- I have learned that a quiet heart makes quieter choices.  When I make a choice in anger- it brings retribution. When I make a choice in excitement- it brings adventure.  I can dial-in to body sensations and state of mind and bring  a sense of calm to me and my environment.

 

We feel before we think yet, information goes over the internet and around the world as fast as I can get understanding to flow from my senses to my brain.

The end result is that information overload is a constant companion.

How do we deal with the flow of information? 

The format of my decision-making is really pretty simple.  In text speak- M. I. Willing?

Am I willing to do what it takes to see God? 

Am I willing to look in the mirror and smile?

Am I willing to see my children from a point of where they are-- before I tell them what to do and where to go?  

These questions come many times every day.

I’ll explain:

M: stands for MMmmmmmm…..

It means- find a perspective of wonder and curiosity.  If we can send a rover to mars in eight months, surely we can take 30 seconds to experience curiosity right here and now.

When I Mmmmmm, I take a breath.  Slow down.  Look around.  

I: stands for Look Inside- I go inside and make sense of the situation.  I determine what I am feeling.  Is it anger? Excitement? Fear? Happy?  I take time to appreciate whatever I find.

Willing: use the information. 

When I was reaching for my master’s degree, I had an assignment to describe my life’s purpose.

I assist myself, my family, and my community to achieve higher means and deeper meaning in life. 

 Aim High. 

Touch the Face of God.

 When I feel a connection with God, I have found a missing piece of myself.

 My state of mind returns to calm, my decisions have ripples of goodness. 

This is where I want to be.  

This is where I want to work from.

 If I am anywhere else, I’ve committed or connected myself to something less than peaceful.

It is a continual practice committing myself to the life I want to achieve.

 If something is happening around me that does not match my sense of calm- chances are I have an opportunity to change my thoughts. 

I strengthen what I believe by recommitting- by becoming willing to receive the goodness life has planned for me.

I maximize my mental image. 

I M willing.

RU?

Ladybugs in the Surf!

Mmmmm....  I wonder:
Last week while I was on the beach, I came across THOUSANDS of LADYBUGS in the SURF! 
I did not have my camera with me, so these photos were all taken from the internet.  Apparently every few years when the ladybugs are hatching, winds pick up and blow them willy nilly where they end up over the ocean. 

Oftentimes the ladybugs just drown in the depths and wash up as carnage and massacre. 

The event I witnessed with my particular patch seemed to enhabit the shoreline. 

They would walk and wander until swept up with the next wave where they would be tossed to and fro until the ground became solid under them.



I walked a stretch of about two miles and saw them just about constantly.



Many seemed to huddle under rocks, shells or debris as if trying to hide from the onslaught of waves.

Many of the ladybugs would get burried in the sand.  Each grain looked like a huge burden on tiny little critters.  I did unbury and upright hundreds of them.  I would scoop them above the tide line at that point- but I could not teach them how to swim.   I could not blow their wings dry.

Look Inside:

I found this illustration from the internet.  It is a page from the Story, Ladybug Girl at the Beach by Jackie Davis and David Soman.

I admit.  I was scared for the ladybugs.  I adore the smiles on my childrens' faces when we discover them at home.  We buy them as larvae and watch them transform, transition, and release into the wild. 

Here I know  I am "too" sensitive when my heart did flip-flops seeing them as a symbol for all that is beautiful, kind, and innocent being tossed and turned in hundreds by the overwhelming surf that is their life.

According to the research, there is no plan to the beach destination for these ladybugs.  There is also no forewarning.  To this group of ladybugs- it just is. 

Their adventure is just life happening.

When I brought my concerns in to the group, no one else seemed to have encountered the Ventura Beach ladybug population.

Katie mentioned that if I see three or more incidences of a recurring theme- I am somehow connected to it.

(It only took me about three hours to undersand "connected to" doesn't necessarily mean "responsible for."  I  am glad to see I am not responsible for the stranding of thousands of ladybugs in an environment with no food, no stability, and likely no way out.)

After class,  I went back to the beach to meditate and try relocating more of the ladybugs.

I learned:
1) There is no way I can move them all. I can help them get their feet underneath them and point them in the right direction.

 2) Even if I move them, they are still at the whim and mercy of the winds around them.  I also have no control over the size and frequency of the waves around us all.

3) I am going to see sights that disturb me.  Some I can help with.  Some I can not.



I want to teach again.  I did try (for about the sixth time) to renew my affiliation with Yoga Alliance.  I kid you not- woo hoo for letting things be easy- I heard back via email within 1/2 an hour.  I should be signed up again tomorrow!

I also noticed in the breathing classes with Gay, that I have a breathing genius.  Even when my body shrieks in pain, even when I can not move how,when, and where I want to- I savor my inhales and exhales.

I commit to sharing my genius as I learn how to get my feet under me so we can all get pointed in a conscious direction through the waves and winds of life.Willing: What can I bring into brighter focus?

Why MI Willling?

Why M.I. Willing?
-This story is part of my pathway, but I no longer want it as the introduction to my blog.  I now leave it here for reference.

A few years ago I was sick. It was the kind of sick that makes you afraid to go to the doctor. Like the three little pigs, I knew the wolf knocking on my door could only be big and could only be bad- very bad.
I had about 30 different allergies. There were only about 10 foods I knew I could eat. I was losing my gross motor skills. I had to stop teaching yoga because I could no longer walk, talk, and think at the same time. I specialized in restorative classes and it would hardly be relaxing if I fell on someone. I also love to use my magically calming voice. My electromagnetic field must have been wacky because every time I put on a microphone it would shreek at me like I was a bad dog with a faulty shock collar.
The last straw was when I was sitting in a chair watching TV. I fell out and was paralyzed for about 2 minutes. I knew what I did that day would determine the course of my life.

I decided to fight. I got my butt up and I got help. That journey brought me into contact with Conscious Living and Loving. With the help of materials from Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, I meditated. I saw my life around me was different from any life I want to own. I looked inside and saw ways I can change to create a brighter future. I focussed on conscious commitments I can make to become healthy and happy.
I call it bringing the best of who I am into Brighter Focus.

 

Queen of the Zombies

MMmmmmmm= I wonder?

Here's a clip from one of the most amazing shows ever put on air- Joan of Arcadia. 

If you have not met, Joan is a modern day Joan of Arc high school student who receives assignments from God.  Here she is singing a solo in the school play about Zombie love and war:

I = Look inside.
 What if the answer to my own question is "No?"  What if I'm not strong enough to make it through? Can transformation kill me?



It's Valentine's day:  My mom's heart is broken and I was so caught up in myself I totally blew her off when we saw her for my son's bday dinner yesterday. Now I haven't been able to connect.  I feel uncertain.

My dad is gone by choice and I thought I'd always be his valentine. Now the thought is dangerous. I feel confused. 

i know at one time i mattered and that i am now discarded.  I choose not to get caught up in that.  I choose to be myself.  I feel sortof powerful.
Welcome to winter.  Welcome to Zombieland- where an ugly life is the first step after death.

The death of my past concerns are the death of a belief that I am nothing. Death includes killing a need to perform on demand for someone else's pleasure. Death reveals I am no longer invincibally strong outside. 

I see a strong core and soft exterior emerging. This is my harvest! 
Last week, many dreams came true.  I was able to spend a full week meeting and interracting with Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks.  They are even more amazing in person than their words are in print!

I met the MOST amazing group of people I have ever seen in real life!  There was so much energy, dedication, and inspiration! If any of you who met me in Ventura see this- I'd love to stay in touch.  Please, drop a line to aurabernialis@gmail.com.

I also got to try surfing.  That day was GLORIOUS!  The surfshop owner found a wetsuit to match my hair.  There was a seal that came and played the morning with me.  I wasn't quite strong enough to get on my feet, but I can ride on one knee and one foot!  The afternoon brought a bike-ride with a bike that matched my hair and a pod of dolphins or little black whales to keep me company.

I even made new derby friends and got to spend a workout with them OUTSIDE!!!! 

So, Cinderella, what's the problem?  I'm still healing my legs.  I adored every moment of freedom where I could gear up and head along the beach on a paved- mostly- path, listening to my tunes and enjoying the view of sun and surf.  I could believe for an hour at a time that I was strong, capable, and free.  I was excited to return and workout with my rollerderby team for real.

 Then, I found myself barely able to walk.  I also discovered a deeper fear and more intense definition of pain than I ever want to relive with this &*&%^%$$#@@@ condition of my nervous system.

I could have made some of the best friends of my life, but I left.

I am so ashamed:  I gave up.  I came home early.  I spent the next three days staring in space seemingly unconscious for hours at a time.

I am so obsessed with this Joan video- gorgeous song, disgusting make-up.  Powerful message of love, set within a war.  Moon- shadow.  Noon- night.  Real life queen of the dead.  SO VIVID! 

Willing:  What's a brighter focus?
Oy.  As Joan sings:  "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust- when you see we're made of the same stuff? We are not flesh we are not blood. We are Love. We are Love.  Won't you share your light?"

I want to say, "NO."  The light is too bright.  It hurts my eyes!  It hurts my legs!  IT HURTS EVERYWHERE! 

No one said it would be easy to be a zombie.

The one thing I know I am willing to commit to is allowing transfomation to be easy.  This theme has been creeping up in many ways over the past few weeks.  I think it is getting brighter.  If the message is brighter, maybe the commitment and manifestation can be too....

I commit to relaxing in vulnerable ease as I breathe in the love, support and peace pervading my life.

Whew. 

Sedona Vision Quest: Episode 2- Snowflakes,People, and Trees

M = MMMMmmmmmm  I wonder?

It's Alaskan winter...so even though I'm writing about Sedona, AZ; this little ditty seems appropriate:

Every friend is like a snowflake, unique in beauty and design. Each sparkles in a different way—some are playful, some refined. But, unlike fragile snowflakes that fade when the sun appears, friends grow even more beautiful with every passing year.  (Author unkown)

I= Look inside:
I leftoff sharing my Sedona Vision quest Episode one when I made it to the end of Boynton Canyon.

  It is said that this is where the spirit of First Mother and her Beautiful Women live today.  (Kind of like Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men!)

  I had just added a rock to one of the alter piles travelers leave to honor our journey.

 As I entered the pool of the forest energy, I felt it was sacred ground.  I stopped taking pictures.  That is why you do not see the Chasm of Growth that used to be the vibrant flow of water. 

( I feel like Anne of Green Gables as I write names for places I just met.) 

There are no photos of the gentleman, Russell, who sells ionized water.  He accompanied me up the steepest challenge.  He was an amazing metaphore for my own life. He gave me hope for the situation I faced so fearfully the previous few months.

There are also no pictures of the man I met who is touring the Vortexes around Phoenix.  I pray he finds the source of energy he seeks.

There are, sadly, no pictures of my new friend Maia and the ladies she accompanied through the Canyon.  Thank you, Maia for heeding your own calls!

You see, Maia finished the story of First Woman for me.  I had asked all around the resort for anyone who knew more information.  I thought it would stay a mystery. 

The night before,  I tried to come down the canyon. I only made it 3/4 the way when I knew I was to stop.

I'd written First Mother a letter and read it then and there.  Briefly, it was an apology for controlling things in others' lives that were not mine to maintain.

 I  had the impression that I had done what I needed to and I was supposed to go home.  Flights, however, were not available.  I traveled all the way down the canyon this time to pay homage and leave my offerings.

At the seat, Maia explained the missing pieces.  As the surviving tribesman, the young girl saved from the flood was not to populate or recreate the tribe.  Her purpose was to "Call the Tribe back." 

Legend says: "All of us who come home to the canyon ARE THE ORIGINAL TRIBE."

Could it be that my spirit is part of the tribe called home?

As I turned to come down the hills, I saw this beautiful couple.  They were on a birthday hike and had no camera.  I knew it was okay to start taking photos again so they could have this souvenir.  Thank you, Oliver and Joanna, for sharing!



I'll show on later posts what Alaskan vegetation looks like.  Suffice it to say that these trees are much taller and wider! The air in the forest is wonderfully cool, moist and comfortable. 





 The trees of the forest are as unique as the people.

You can tell by the woods in back that there are MANY beautiful and healthy trees around.  My subjects, however, are far more interesting.  This reminds me of a lightning strike- sharp and sudden.



This is more like the results of a life lived in the straight and narrow- guiding it's surrounding offspring to do the same.

Here the knarled branches hide a treasure of life and fertility.  If I were a bird, I would build my nest here.



This is the stump I lovingly refer to as "The Giving Tree."  Re: Shel Silverstein.  It has given all there is to give, and yet it is still a comfy seat for two people and surrounded by forest alters and friends.

These are the "Brambles of Confusion."  I knew I needed to enter the center to meditate. 
The impression I received, is that I had apologized to God for trying to control the lives of my family.

I had not apologized for trying to control my own life.
This was an example of what my life looks like when I try to do too much- all my way.

The forest was filled with sturdy platforms on which to sit or stand and pray or meditate.   A surprise answer came to me when I envisioned that I could use Conscious Loving and yoga practices to help other women find peace and their place.

Back to the Giving Tree.  I dedicated a long session to my mom.  As sad and lonely as this trunk can look, another amazing moment happened as I took this picture.



A couple came along in Santa hats looking for a sight for their Christams card picture.  They told me about trees like this one- Nursing trees.  A trunk holds and nurtures a seed into full and beautiful life.  An amazing gift for Mom! 
Thanks, Santa!

Here is my "Tree of Life."  My husband thought this looks like a juniper.  Most of the juniper's I've seen are about knee high.  Make no mistake: This tree is HUGE.  I'm about 5'4" and my head comes to the bottom branch. 

Could be pretty cool if my life can blossom like this tree.

Willing: What can I bring into Brighter Focus?
I had an amazing flight home.I usually don't sleep deeply and I barely sleep when I'm not home. The flight away from Phoenix, however, was so turbulent that the airline wound up changing out the plane before we could fly the next leg.  Me?  I was out cold from take-off to landing!

Maybe if I'm willing to relax and enjoy the scenery more often, I'll find more peace along the way.

Like the snowflakes in the beginning, beauty is all around us in the uniqueness of our circumstances and the uniqueness of the people we meet.

 I think the key is simply to stop and look around, look up.
To look someone in the eye and hear their story. 

I  am willing to see beauty.

May you see beauty where you are as well!

Sedona Vision Quest: Lesson #1- Rocks

M= Mmmm, I wonder:
  I think most of us know the story about big rocks.  To "fill" a jar, you start with big rocks, then add pebbles, then sand, then liquid.  That way everything that matters fits in the jar. 

 Here are the rocks I found on a vision quest near Sedona, AZ.

Mii Amo is a resort nestled in Boynton Canyon just outside Sedona, AZ. 
I was attending an amazing David Romanelli "Yoga for Foodies" retreat Dec, 2010.

This is the first lesson of my supplemental vision quest walking down the canyon.



Red rocks establish the canyon.  They encompass the area like watch guards forming god's perimeter of solid sunshine, pigment and majesty. 

The point to the right is the Vortex.  It is said that the energy of God comes straight down at this cone.  I spent the middle of a night there offering Mother Earth thanks for my persence on this beautiful planet, dedicating my services for Her work, and cradled in Her arms receiving comfort.



 "First Woman's Landing:"  Early natives placed a young woman from their tribe in an ark so she could survive the coming floods.  This formation shows where the ark landed.

W/the vortex to the right, turning left carries me down a trail deep into Boynton Canyon.  I'd heard that the energy vortex is like a faucet and that the Energy flows down this canyon.  First Mother is said to reside there still.



Heading down the Canyon had me sweltering in the Phoenix sunshine.  Those beautiful red rocks radiate heat like an oven.  This Alaskan was MUCH more comfortable with the walks I took in the middle of the night! 

 I thought this dry river bed was a result of too much heat- That I could understand!



I was very surprised to find out that there is  a FOREST down in the canyon!

 I asked locals where the water comes from that feeds this vegeatarion. 

Turns out the river did not run dry on its own.  Rumor has it a developer tried to blast the mountain open to get more water.  The plan backfired damning the river and taking water underground instead.







Coming to the end of the trail is a steep climb, an open space, and a beautiful seat.  When you get there, you've earned it!    I must say, I was befuddled at how little I felt any energy pulses at the vortex. Here, though, I SWAM in the abundance of Mother's Love.



I've seen many places around the world where these alters are built.  My husband likes to say they are homage to gods long forgotten and now wandering the hills of loneliness as people become more submerged in development and technology.  I'm always encouraged to see these standing as I believe they are formed by people who refuse to forget.



This is the alter I used to offer my service to Mother Love.  If I can be an example of Conscious Living and Loving, if I can bring wonder to the body in yoga. If I can find a way to help others explore their own joy- Count me in. 

 

I= Look inside: 

 Back to the jar of rocks: At the end of the story comes a moral - yet what that moral is depends on my perspective. 

As I review decisions I've made in the past, I see many times where I would agree to do any sort of "important" requests.  From that perspective, it seems that a likely moral would be:  "No matter how full your schedule is,you can always fit more things into it."   I don't think this approach made me any happier.  I know I felt more stressed.

A problem is, however, that I would only feel the stress AFTER I was elbow deep in a commitment I made without Conscious Consideration.

Had I taken the time, I'm pretty sure what I would have felt in my body were- 
     a) turtle withdraw where my shoulders ride up and my head comes down;
     b) anal retraction indicating that any desire or wisdom my body wants to express is being ignored;
     c) bear-attack back: a slight tucking sensation that adds a locking mechanism to the anal retraction and lengthens my back to protect my innards but creates gurgles in my belly as denying my body wisdom expands.

This must be like the decision blasting rock to find more water only to cut if off entirely.

Instead, Consider the Wisdom of Creation as seen in Sedona.

When I look at the rocks from Sedona, these images are crystal clear:
1) Boundaries:  There are HUGE cliffs framing the canyon.
              Gay Hendricks had great suggestions for bringing this to life in the newsletter: Dancing with Time, Space,  and The LIST. "When hurry-up mode squashes your sense of space, you can recover with three relaxed, easy belly breaths, any time, anywhere. When you move, especially pleasurable stretching, you drop into a sense of inner space that refreshes."

2) Landmarks: The Vortex and First Woman's Landing. In my life, this is taking time to check body wisdom BEFORE committing.  What does my back feel?  My throat? My belly? Etc.  A quick body scan gives all the info I need.

3) Gestures:There are small piles left to honor our journey when we come to the end of the trail.  Likewise, a small gesture to choose what I love adds dimension over time. It means one moment, I chose to focus on what matters most to me. 

From this perspective, the moral becomes "I have to put the big rocks in first if I want to get to them all."

Willing 2=  What Brighter Focus?
So, I want to emulate creation.  This requires creativity.

I commit to using my resources being resourceful for Conscious Living and Loving.

What matters most to you?  Does your time, money, and energy demonstrate that importance? Is your commitment Conscious?  RUWilling 2 find out?

Follow Up: M.I. Willing?

I commit to opening my heart to passion and letting it paint my life beautiful!
If I had known my reactions would be so personal, I might have chosen a different commitment!
This is my own self-approved reality blog, however, and I've learned not to argue with reality. Soooo....

Differences I've noticed:
1. RIGHT AWAY my libido was back. 

Back in September, something happened that triggered some PTSD for me.  One of the responses was that my libido shut down.  A total lockdown, solitary confinement, show no light of day kind of constantly turned off.

Well, I finished this post at some wee hour in the morning and Desire had follow-through that brought me sleep and my husband happiness.

2. Next night I actually enjoyed kissing.
Nothing like just diving out of the closet... I have never enjoyed kissing.
 Part desire for control.  Part having been molested as a child.  End result- fast food romance.

Well, as I waited for sleep last night, I noticed my eyes were dry and my head sort of ached.  Following up on these sensations did not seem to integrate committing to passion painting my life beautiful.

Instead, I wondered, "What happens if I just wait."

What happened- I wanted to kiss my husband.  I rolled over and that's what we did.  For an extended time.  Enjoyable!

Body Wisdom Connection:
Mula Bandha- Root lock.  Basically, the sensation of stopping the flow of urine.

What does this have to do with kissing? For me- it's all about control.  I cannot control my partner.  I cannot control what life brings to me.  I can, however, control what I am willing to feel.

When I focus on making sure I feel in control, I physically apply the root lock. This is subtle and usually subconscious.  Last night I consciously released the lock and voila- I allowed myself to feel enjoyment instead.

Yummmmm.